Like, me

I was in such a melancholic mood.

Suddenly I thought of a particular someone whom I had a crush on when I was much much younger. Incidentally the two persons whom I'd had lingering crushes on were from IC.

Then while I was reading some news online just now, I unconsciously typed his name into the google search toolbar on the browser I was on. Don't ask me why I did that, coz I seriously had no idea. I certainly wasn't expecting anything, especially since his name was almost as unique as could be.

Then came the surprises. There were actually search results. When I clicked on the first ones... they actually had HIS PICTURES in them! Man. This was like telling me I got an A for my F Math paper when all I really hope for was a pass.

But he was a national athlete. So if there were links to online articles with his pictures in them, by right I shouldn't be too surprised although I would still be as equally pleased. BUT those pictures which came up in the search engine were links on a personal blog [no, not his], taken with his college mates and all in UK where he was at currently. NOW, this was totally akin to telling me that not only did I achieve an A for my F Math paper, I was also the top student of the cohort.

Amidst all the excitement I also recalled how childish and stupid and short I'd always felt in front of him. It was like two sides of a coin; I couldn't remember one without recollecting the other. And I often wondered why I had felt that way. Was it coz my efforts to impress were as fruitless as that bare tree in winter? Or maybe it was the way I thought he was consciously ignoring me. Or perhaps all these were nothing more than the flip effects of such one-sided affection.

But I guess I would never really know. These were the things which would probably keep you wondering until the end of days. Crushes and its mixed bag of emotions. You had no idea how glad I was that I didn't have more.