Funeral entry

Indeed. It is Black Friday. I fail to get my Bachelor.

This morning, I'd wanted to pen an entry about what a bitch life can be. After getting my latest result slip of Fs I realise life isnt a bitch. I am the bitch.

I hate my dad and aunt for empty words and false fronts, and my sister for being the two-faced whore that she is. I am also frustrated by the fact that I am never provided for enough, sick of office hypocrisy and tired of having to justify all my decisions.

Excellence is never my forte. Studies, sports, relationships, friends. I let people down because they had expected more out of a bitch who isnt as good as they thought her to be. I was in NY because of luck. My NY teacher never failed to remind us of that. After all PSLE is a multiple choice system. Just tick one and you already have 25% of getting it right. In NY I was never above average. I struggled to get my As, and had to try harder to anchor leadership positions. At the end of four years I wasnt part of the popular group which went on to HCJC. My only consolation was that, surprisingly, many of those in my cohort chose second league colleges, instead of the top five. In college and after, I gradually lose heart in academics. Scholastic pursue failed to appeal to me even as I went along with the crowd to get thru college and uni. After all what else can I do besides advancing up the s'pore education ladder, just like the rest. Any deviation would be viewed as largely abnormal, and looked down on. I was too much of an arrogant bitch to dare to be different.

Sure it is no big deal to tumble along the way. But people are unforgiving of failures. A puny-brained bitch like me will rather stagger along than to stop for any breather, even when a respite might do a little magic in motivation. No, I am too narrow minded for that.

That's why the first time that I see 'Fail' on my result slip has to be the day I am supposed to graduate. A well deserved finale for a bitch.