Last Paper

Today I took my last paper. Expectedly I did not feel exceptionally jubilant or exuberant. Rather I was experiencing what could perhaps be typecasted as a feeling of déjà vu.

More than 3 years ago, after my final A level paper in college I’d sat at taka with two classmates, feeling extremely lost, knowing full well that I’d performed below the mark of what was expected of me. I'd been only vaguely aware of my surroundings as I went thru with the rest of the day. Today I relived the same emotions.

Additionally I’d felt like I was standing at a crossroad. Questions marks crammed my mind, uncertainties about life, people’s attitudes and perceptions [and expectations] of certain issues, and on a more personal note, where do I move on from here.

In the immediate future my apprehension lies not in my next step, but whether I’ll get the support I need from the people who matter more. I’m not afraid of failure or having to take a different path from the usual well-trodden route, but without support I’ll be leaden with a burden in my heart that no amount cheer will clear.

I’m afraid to be alone.